Homesick Student Abroad- Thinking about quitting? This is the only post you need to read.

I was crying uncontrollable tears during my first week as an MS student in the US. I had a cardboard box as a table because my flatmate tricked me into using my free furniture ticket to get a sofa for the living room. I was too young--unprepared to deal with the manipulation of mean girls. Course work, meanwhile, totally punched us desis in the stomach. The notion of working hard was suddenly challenged— I couldn’t possibly answer questions in the normal way we studied in undergrad. Questions were like this "Perform goodness of fit hypothesis tests using both deviance and Pearson residuals. What do you conclude? Explain the differences, if any, between these findings and what you found in Question 2b."

  This was at another level— you had better understand it to solve it. The desi style of hardwork-notetaking dosen't work. Finding the new strategy takes time. What does a desi do?

For MS students, coursework is just the start of the problems. What hurts more is around living abroad for the first time. First time away from family. First time washing dishes, cooking, and spending money you don’t have. There is little emotional support, and friends are going through crazy times too— hardly emotionally stable themselves.

Many students reach out to me now— “I am very sad and depressed. I hate it here. Should I move back to India?”. I can’t help but empathize, so I wrote down a few things for students. 

If you’re a student thinking of abandoning your studies and moving back to India, here are a few things you can keep in mind

It gets better

I promise! Once you graduate, get a job, and the bank fills with those notes, it just feels more comfortable to live abroad. You will pay your loan off eventually. Look around you— so many desi’s have a good life and so will you. So Stick it out!

You’re not alone

Think you’re the only one with graduate student problems? One of my classmate's father passed away when he was studying— he had to postpone exams, paid $3000 for an economy flight home, and almost lost a semester to that. The other classmate broke his bones (literally) and his hospital bill came to $38,000. One friend got an F grade, the other got a C grade. A friend expected F.R.I.E.N.D.S style friendships in coffee shops, but he found himself in the library corner getting an algorithms homework in by midnight. These people are alive and thriving in the US now. They pushed through. You are NOT alone and you will do it too. 

This is a BIG change so cut yourself some slack

 Moving across continents, to a new place, with a new curriculum, new way of studying, with a loan that you can’t afford— is a huge risk. So don't be too hard on yourself. Also, remember, if you want big achievements-- you have to make big strides, make big sacrifices. It’s an equation. You won’t get anything throwing stones into the sea from Marine drive.

Grades don’t matter once you get a job

Going nuts over getting good grades? Listen to this. My neighbour at gatech, had just arrived in from Mumbai, for the Fall semester in the Industrial engineering department. He knocked on my door and asked if I’m taking this course ME 6753: Principles of Management for Engineers which apparently was easy. He said, with an unwavering confidence “I've chosen a good mix of subjects, I will easily get a 4.0. I'm not worried about that”. I got scared— who is this superstar freshoftheboat claiming to get a 4.0? When our ME 6753 term paper came in, I got 98 and his had 75 scribbled on it. He must have graduated with a 3.0. Still, he went on to have a successful career at JP Morgan Chase and now owns a house in the New Jersey area. It really didn’t matter! Just try not to fail, but don’t go nuts over it, adding to your stress. 

One visit to India might fix it

 First time away from family? Feeling homesick? If you’re thinking of quitting and moving to India, stop. Quitting will anyway take you back to India. Heh. So might as well visit. Just one visit back home, eat mom’s food, go meet friends and have lime soda. Done! You’ll come back refreshed and feeling better than ever to face the world. 

You are not as poor as you think

Yes yes, it's all relative, and you know it. You’re not hungry or dying. But it still feels poor! And that makes you feel like quitting and moving back home. Here’s the thing— you will eventually earn. Right now, you can get a side job. In the NYC area, I’ve heard students take up what they call "cash jobs". At the time of studying, I knew how to do eyebrow threading. I got this idea 15 yrs too late, but still—  I could have thread women their eyebrows in exchange for goods/help. A classmate told me, an American household had employed him to scrub floor for $7 an hour. Sounds labour intensive but heck, it's money. Also, If you already have a job, Don’t give up on finding a better side job. I found a dishwashing job on campus -- I could have continued to search to find something that pays more and where I can read or do my homework (eg library) on the side. This will help you feel better.

Network vs Friends

You’re not in college just to study to get a job. Hello! You’re there to build a network. Don’t think of meeting other people just as making friends. Think of it as building your network. Some of my gatech friends are now CEOs of their own company! This will help you keep a higher goal in mind and might bring in another reason to stick through. 

This is a temporary phase. Complete your degree and then think about what you feel about moving back.

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I am Nupur. I help NRIs design a good lifestyle. Find more at www.nupurdave.in